Kristine Froeba’s Royal Wedding Viewing Guide: Background for New Orleans Viewers

Prince Henry Charles Albert David Windsor-Mountbatten, the Brit, and Ms. Meghan Markle, the Yank, are to be married this weekend.

Not since 1956 has an American actress married a Prince. Then, it was Oscar-winning movie star Grace Kelly; this time we have cable actress Meghan Markle. The last American Royal wedding went off without a hitch. This time around, it’s a tad more drama-filled. In lieu of Philadelphia’s waspy Main Line, we have the warring Markles.

The Windsor wedding airs in New Orleans on Saturday morning at 6 a.m. Full BBC coverage begins at 3 a.m. This gives local Anglophiles plenty of time to stock up on Pimm’s, Earl Grey, Devonshire Double Cream, and of course, its delivery platform, the scone. Back to the proper menu in due-time (pinkies up)!

Viewing

This early-morning spectacle will require a scorecard and oodles of tea, gin, and stamina. For the table, I’m considering roasting Cornish game hens the day before and maybe baking a sickly sweet toffee pudding.

For those viewers intent on a traditional upper-class early morn feast, an aristocratic wedding breakfast consists of tea, toast, smoked salmon (preferable from the River Dee), scrambled eggs, fruit, and Tattingers; caviar is optional.

If you prefer to feast like a commoner, a good ole English fry-up is in order with plenty of British bacon, black pudding, sausages, fried eggs, grilled tomatoes, potatoes, canned Heinz baked beans, and toast.

Either way, tea must be had.

Bake or buy the scones the day before; you’ll be too tired to cook. I order mine from the Windsor Court. You can find the Lemon Curd, Heinz baked beans and Devon Double Cream at specialty stores, World Market, or Amazon.com. Top your scone with an inch of cream, and a spoon of jam or Lemon Curd. Don’t forget the cucumber and apple for the Pimm’s No. 1.

Background on The Royal Wedding

Sunday’s Lifetime movie, “Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance,” failed to put a dent in the real drama. Instead, it focused on the bride being bi-racial, conjuring treacly fictional drama while ignoring heaps of steaming reality.

The Spencer and Middleton families never put a foot wrong and never once gave interviews about their impending royal brides. The Markles believe in more of a public spectacle or circus atmosphere. For instance, Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, is allegedly filming a not-remotely, stiff-upper-lipped, televised interview with Oprah Winfrey, while the Daily Mail has run countless Markle family “exclusives.”

Thomas Markle, the bride’s poorly advised father, was involved in his first pre-wedding scandal this past weekend, exposed as having staged paparazzi photos for profit – this after Prince Harry had taken the unprecedented step of requesting the press leave him alone. Mr. Markle’s response was to give a series of hourly exclusive interviews to the tabloid TMZ.

On Monday, Mr. Markle announced he wasn’t walking his daughter down the aisle due to embarrassment and a heart attack (followed by photos taken of the gentleman binging at KFC and McDonald’s after the attack). Then, he recanted his cancellation, then was in the hospital for tests, but would walk Meghan down the aisle, followed sadly by another cancellation and a possible angioplasty scheduled four days after the wedding. All of this was confusing delivered by TMZ, surprisingly not a royally sanctioned method of communication.

Update: Meghan releases palace statement about her father not attending the ceremony.

In early May, Kensington Palace issued an official statement, “Mr. Thomas Markle and Ms. Doria Ragland will be arriving in the UK the week of the wedding, allowing time for Prince Harry’s family, including The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales, The Duchess of Cornwall, and The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, to spend time with them before the big day.” The webpage has since been taken down. One can only imagine what is being whispered at Buckingham Palace—both upstairs and down.

As it is 2018 and America, the Markles are a blended family, rife with step-parents, half-siblings, and a few divorces, if those were the only problems facing Ms. Markle.

Meghan’s snubbed family, none are invited to the wedding. As a bonus, half-brother Thomas Markle, Jr. was recently arrested for domestic violence involving substance abuse and a gun to his girlfriend’s head. His arrest predates his open letter to Prince Harry discouraging him from marrying his “narcissistic, shallow, selfish” sister.

Yesterday, some of the less stellar Markle relations arrived in London, presumably to provide paid commentary (dirt) during the wedding. One even wrote a book entitled “Princess Pushy.” Not to be outdone, her adult half-nephew Thomas Dooley is marketing a strain of marijuana called “Markle Sparkle.” Worse still, he arrived at Heathrow wearing a sleeveless shirt—to me, the greater sin.

This is soap opera at its highest and lowest pinnacle.

All of the above has led to a watered-down royal wedding. No Westminster Abbey, no procession or glass coach headed down the Mall, no heads of state, no balcony wave, nor invitations from Elizabeth Regina herself. Instead, the Prince of Wales sent the invites under his herald. He will hold a reception for 200 close friends and family at one of his lesser country houses.

Update: Elton John confirmed to sing at the ceremony.

No doubt the changes are due to the 36-year-old bride’s prior marriage and a few other obstacles. Markle was raised 1. Catholic but converted to 2. Judaism for her first husband, and was recently baptized into 3. The Church of England. To add to the confusion, Meghan recently invited an 4. American Episcopalian minister to deliver the eulogy at the wedding. The Church of England’s senior cleric, the Archbishop of Canterbury probably has a few thoughts about this, not to mention the church’s titular head, Her Majesty The Queen.

 

Kristine Froeba is a fourth generation Uptown girl whose varied background includes food and travel writing, celebrity ghost writing, public relations, social media management, fundraising, preservationist, reluctant tabloid hack, and litigation specialist. She describes herself as part foodie, part writer, part historian, historic renovation zealot, and full time dabbler.