Christy Lorio: Breaking up with your barber

Christy Lorio (photo by Leslie Almeida)

Apparently, many of us dread switching hairdressers even more than breaking up with a boyfriend.

I recently switched salons — nothing personal, but I just decided I wanted a change. My haircuts were great but I felt like I was getting the same cut over and over again. Perhaps I wasn’t vocal enough in my need for something new but I got a gift certificate for services at another salon so I used it as an excuse to try a new stylist and I kind of felt guilty about about the switch.

If you really think about it, you probably see your hairdresser more than you see some of your friends. You sit down with them for an hour, talk about what’s going on with your life, and it is a very intimate experience. So switching stylists poses a challenge in that a haircut is much more personal than someone hovering over you with some shears.

A friend, who asked to remain anonymous, went out of town on vacation and got a haircut while he was away. He said he felt like he was cheating on his wife: While the newness and sense of freedom was exhilarating, he felt shame set in. Just like that overlooked trace of lipstick on a collar, hhe realized he had his mop cut by someone else and he had to cover up his tracks. “I know about her family, and she started talking about her personal life and that’s when I got guilted into scheduling another appointment. I’ve been going to her for over a year now. I just can’t break up,” he said. In fact just getting an interview was difficult, my source didn’t want to go on record lest his true identity be revealed. Yes, his identity. This problem isn’t gender specific.

As with all relationships, breaking up is hard to do. I called upon a good friend of mine Leslie Almeida, who is not only known for her work in the food and social media industries, but also in salons. As a former salon professional, she was willing to share her tips and reasoning for breaking up with your hairstylist:

The “It’s not you, it’s me” strategy: “Perhaps the most common reason for breaking up with your hairstylist is that you feel that you need a change that they can no longer offer. Have you gotten too comfortable in your relationship, that you don’t speak up and allow them to give you the same cut time and time again? If you don’t want to try something called ‘communication,’ let them down gently by telling them you will not be pre-booking your next appointment due to a need to ‘explore yourself.’ Perhaps you will be taking some personal time in, ohhh, about six to eight weeks, and do not want to ‘tie up their books,’ so you’ll just call when you get back in town from finding yourself. And then just never call.”

The “I’m growing my hair out” strategy: “This one will be easier for the ladies, as most gentlemen typically get their ears lowered every three to four weeks, but, hey, I’m not here to judge you, you damn hippies. When you go to pay for your haircut, any receptionist that is doing their job will ask you when you would like your next appointment to be, not if you would like to schedule your next appointment. (And if they do say “if”, then there’s your out! JUST SAY NO!) It’s more than likely that your stylist is either standing at the counter to confirm this availability for you, or they have written down the suggested period of time you should return. Let them know that you will be growing out your hair and will give them a call when you feel that it has reached the appropriate length. This will usually work at the counter, but think about working this into the chitchat during your service.

The “Blow-Out break-Up” Strategy, also known as the “But I TOLD YOU we were through when you had the hair dryer on!” strategy: “If you are a real coward and cannot bear even an ounce of confrontation or discomfort, give it to him or her straight during your service. Once the blow dryer is on, they can’t hear a word of what you’re saying when you’re talking about your cats or kids or lint collection, right? So take advantage of this time and give it to them straight. Well, sort of. And then when you run into them at that super cool art show in three months and they ask you where you’ve been, you can say, ‘But I TOLD YOU we were through when you had the hair dryer on!’ But if you take this route, then you will most likely just run away and hide if you see them in the crowds. Coward.”

Now, you can use one of the above strategies, but please do not email me if you somehow get stabbed with a pair of shears. In any relationship, communication is key. If you find yourself falling out of love with your stylist, try talking to them first and let them know you haven’t been terribly happy. Initially, they may be taken aback or hurt, but if they are a real professional (and like that extra $40 to $65 every four to six weeks you bring in), they will want to find a way that you can both be happy: You get the haircut you love and they retain a client. If you feel as if the relationship cannot be saved and want to move on, do not feel obligated to pre-book your next appointment. After all, you are paying for a service and you should be happy with the results. At the end of your last service, be prepared, stick to your guns, but most of all, be polite. And never, ever use the “I’m Moving” Strategy! New Orleans is a small city, so don’t tell your stylist or barber you’re moving outside of a reasonable driving distance to the salon if you really aren’t. It’s inevitable that you will run into them and you will feel like a total jerk face, as you should. You never know if you will be crawling back to your stylist in a few months, begging them to take you back.

So what do you do when you need to make the switch? Would you rather fake your own death, or do you just tell the truth?

Christy Lorio, a native New Orleanian, writes on fashion at slowsouthernstyle.com and is also a freelance writer whose work has been featured online and in print magazines both locally and nationally.