PREDICTION: Nine months from now the New Orleans metro area will be flush with newborns courtesy one winter storm Leon. Grumble, groan, no, you say? Prove me wrong, people, prove me wrong. With residents’ fave go-to spots for music, grub, and beverages largely on hold paired with a do-not-drive announcement unless vitally important, do the math. You’re off work, you can’t go anywhere, and there are only so many shows you can binge watch. And I’m guessing with the masses clamoring for foodstuffs at the nearby grocery, they did not also take time to sweep the birth control from the shelves. So congrats y’all, it’s a storm baby!
I visited Rouses on Tchoup yesterday morning and yes, there were no bananas. I mean empty. But I’m guessing that was just during the little window of time I was there, for the varied bread purveyors were busily restocking that aisle. Me, I only went to score some red sauce and rotini, but I digress. However, it dawned on me: shuttered in New Orleanians with unbridled weekday libidos and alcohol? C’mon! Mesh this winter phenomenon in with our most recently bestowed title of 2014’s third even less affordable American city and you have a recipe for population boom with a little lagniappe for good measure.
Personally my birthing days are well behind me. With four daughters in the roost as a couple we made a decision to nix any future a-has, so I did a little outpatient action under the care and ninja-like precision of one Dr. Baum on Prytania. A single vicodin and a few bags of frozen peas later, my vasectomy was complete, and I didn’t need any Christmas jammies to help me either. Rather than shoot for a viral holiday video, I just waited until now to tell the world. Though in hindsight, perhaps YouTube is the way to go? Oh well, the goal is to have a vasectomy only once, right? So moving on – – –
Super storm Sandy brought a baby boom. I’m guessing you forgot about that, didn’t you? I know I did. But that’s what events out of our control do; they surprise us. So we cope. Through coitus. And then we forget. It’s how we’re wired as a species. Let’s also remember despite all the disjointed events of 2005, the Crescent City did experience a bump in newborns. But then maybe you forgot about that too? It’s true. Framing this Carnival season in the lens of Leon, your next slice of king cake may bring you the baby regardless of if you find a little plastic figure.
PREDILECTION: In 2004 a boxset of New Orleans music came out called ‘Doctors, Professors, Kings & Queens,’ and I wasn’t drawn to the compilation’s selections so much as the title. How perfect! Four little words that likely mean very little anywhere else in the world takes on waves of entendre and reference, summing up succinctly our little sunken hamlet. Marvel at our culture, people; love it. It might test your will a la a Hurricane Isaac power outage, and it may freeze your toes from the uninsulated pine floor of your 100 year old home a la Leon, but it may just bring you an unexpected bundle of joy come October too.
Jean-Paul Villere is the owner of Villere Realty and Du Mois Gallery on Freret Street and a married father of four girls. In addition to his Wednesday column at UptownMessenger.com, he also shares his family’s adventures sometimes via pedicab or bicycle on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.